The tip of the scary socialist spear, wild-eyed Francesca Hong, is (probably) about to win the Democratic primary in the American Heartland!
Madison officials are allowing the CRAZ autonomous zone to stay! Protesters renamed the street after the guy who injured a cop with a knife! I’ve seen that corner of Madison being called the CRAZ and CRAZE actually (the Corey Ruiz Autonomous Zone Encampment.) How about CRAZ-Y. The city helped create barricades with salt trucks. Ald. Davy Mayer told the Isthmus that he’s been having a “dialogue with protest organizers to facilitate driveway access to residents and municipal services.”
What? Get residents driveway access and do it NOW.
Francesca HONG is lying her as* off (about police, DSA, tax increases) and LEADING the latest Marquette poll anyway. It came out today, and it was absolutely devastating for the establishment. Their nefarious plot isn’t working. Their handpicked hope, David Crowley, is in third, and Mandela Barnes, who was second, is 22 points behind Hong. Plus, undecideds are breaking for Hong. My gosh, this actually might be happening.
Yeah, I know. It’s all spiking my blood pressure too. But not as much as Maggie Gau’s…
So let’s lighten things up for a minute.
I have a lot of humorous political friends. I keep getting emails from folks who appreciate laughing a bit about this political clownshow because being angry ALL THE TIME is bad for one’s health. Anyway, I’m not that angry that Hong is leading in the Marquette poll anyway because I think she’s Tom Tiffany’s best chance to win. It won’t be easy. But she’s his best chance. I’ve been arguing this for days. Now readers are getting into the metaphor game.
A friend wrote me today and opined, “Joel Brennan is the guy your mom wanted you to date in high school.”
I wanted to reply, “If you had, you’d be living in a nice suburban mansion right now and not have to work,” but I didn’t (I like to work.) If this crazy primary was the Breakfast Club, Joel would be Emilio Estevez, of course.
Apparently, Brennan’s total compensation at the Greater Milwaukee Committee was almost $400,000 before he stepped away (where can I get a job like that). At this rate, the guy is close to getting hammered by Fran Hong’s new 17.7% income tax increase proposal (which she pointblank lied about during the debate. It would hit successful folks harder than California.) No wonder Joel wants to defeat her so badly.
“Mandela Barnes is the guy your mom DIDN’T want you to date in high school, and you did it anyway, and it turned out he was dating 19 of your friends,” I retorted, playing along. Judd Nelson.
“David Crowley is the guy no one wanted to date and everyone friend zoned,” I decided a few minutes later. Continuing the Breakfast Club analogy: Anthony Michael Hall.
No wonder the nerdy Crowley (who actually was the most reasonable candidate during the debate because he doesn’t want to vaporize school choice) had to make up a more interesting alternate ego on social media to hit on chicks. After watching Crowley put the world to sleep with his dull but reasonable debate performance, I decided Dirt McGirk would be more fun. He should have shown up at the debate in a Dirt McGirk T-shirt. It was his only chance of breaking through. Hanging on Evers isn’t cutting it. So why not. If they can get Dirt McGirk’s name on the ballot instead, he’d probably win. Or Jesse Barnes.
Kelda Roys? Molly Ringwald in her youth. Now? She’s the candidate who stops men from getting married at all so they don’t have to hear her screaming about Trump all day and how they didn’t do the dishes. Is that too mean? A Republican candidate told me he met a lot of men like this on the doors. They were usually standing at the end of their driveways in a conservative county with a rake, whispering in terror, “Don’t worry. I’m cancelling out her vote. But I can’t be seen talking to you. Please. I can’t.” Those men are married to Keldas. Young men, choose wisely.
My stepdad Larry hates politics, but my mom and I forced him to watch the debate. His conclusion? “They all said the same sh*t.” Then he declared, “Except I really didn’t like that woman on the end.” Turned out he meant poor Kelda. Then I spoke to a Republican friend, and his first debate analysis point was, “I really couldn’t stand Kelda and I’m not even sure why.” My Democrat mom doesn’t even like Kelda and she saw Kelda at some forum in Ladysmith and said she was nice. My mom said, “Her ads are odd. I saw some ad where she was being run over by a fire truck or something.”
That brings me to Francesca Hong. Ally Sheedy, of course. Wow. The Breakfast Club analogy fits perfectly!
Before you attack me, I was all of the characters in The Breakfast Club rolled into one. I suppose Tom Tiffany is the state dad who takes away the keys to your car. That’s the conservative read. The Democrats probably think he’s Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino yelling at whippersnappers to get off his lawn. I think he’s Eastwood in those spaghetti westerns sent to take care of the CRAZ. I hope anyway.
Not 15 Pages!
“Fran Hong is the person who is the one classmate out of 100 people in your high school class that you don’t remember,” remarked my friend.
“No, she’s the one who blows up the Capitol years later, and you see the news headline and say, wait was she in my class?” I countered.
Years ago, I knew a conservative guy up north who went on a date or two with a liberal woman, and it didn’t work out. She left a care package of canned goods on his doorstep with a 15-page handwritten letter. That’s Fran Hong. And if you don’t believe me, go watch her bizarrely agitated spin room videos after the debate.
“Why do you believe that the police must still exist?” a reporter asked her in the spin room. The fact that reporters are asking a question such as this, as if it’s a serious question, shows we’ve basically landed on Mars. This is uncharted territory. The spin room videos were better than the debate. Go watch them. Yikes.
Hong’s response? “Still exist?” She stared at the reporter befuddled. Yeah, Fran. You said you won’t defund the police after saying you want to abolish them or whatever. Remember? You even wrote an email that said “defund the police” like four times in a row.
She acted similarly befuddled when moderator Matt Smith asked whether she was going to drive businesses out of the state if her insane tax increase plan goes through. She mumbled something about the hypothetical being confusing.
No, Fran, it’s not. You will drive businesses out of the state and successful people and most Republicans too. We’re all moving to the Villages in Florida (I’m moving to a villa in Tuscany if Hong wins). Wisconsin will be a giant CRAZ. Do younger voters get this? Or do they just think Fran will help them buy a house? Young voters, she will DESTROY the Wisconsin economy. This is likely even her goal. If you don’t believe me, read the DSA platform (she’s a card carrying member.) She’s a declared anti-capitalist.
Ladies and gentleman, the likely Democrat frontrunner is a college dropout with a failed business who didn’t pay her credit card debt and wants to take your money. Great! I could add in abolishing the police and the presidency, but I am getting sick of talking about it and TikTok indoctrinated younger voters are already weaving the mental justification: “Well, she wouldn’t really do that anyway.” That’s why her legislative record matters. It’s what she already tried to do – and it’s lunacy.
So how did the establishment fail so spectacularly and do they have any play left? Let’s end on a serious note.
They failed because they haven’t cleared the anti-Hong field, which is larger than the pro Hong field. Remember Trump won the 2016 primary with less than 50% because the field was so fractured.
The elites’ last gasp play is to get Barnes (or Crowley) and everyone else out so either Barnes or Crowley can consolidate the anti-Hong vote. And then dump millions into ads and targeted GOTV for the lone remaining horse.
Barnes was probably their only play because he’s closest to her in the polls (and apparently in other ways, once). Instead, they parachuted Crowley into the race, and all he’s doing is stopping Barnes (which we predicted). Crowley-Barnes are in an entertaining middleweight battle on social media, with Barnes poking fun at Crowley needing a stool during the debate. Crowley subsequently started a new page called “Crowley Command Center,” which came up with such gems as, “We thought a runner would know how to pick a lane,” with a picture of Barnes.
The problem is they’re in the same lane.
Hey, guys! You’re supposed to stop Hong – not each other! You’re just going to cancel each other out!
The only other play was and is to go after Hong. But for some reason, they won’t do that. They all acted like the debate was the Star Spangled tea party I went to the other day. It was organized by one of the most powerful women in Wisconsin politics you’ve never heard of, financier wizard Candee Arndt, and it featured ginger tea, macarons and little cucumber sandwiches. It was a wonderful time, very gentle and I got to learn about Old Ironsides. And everyone was sweet to everyone else and said how happy we were to see each other. The debate was like that.
And I honestly don’t get why, except to say that if the non Hong people are actually going to win, they need(ed) to draw the contrast. Call her out on her total bullsh*t (like abolishing the Senate.) I guess they’re too scared of their own base or something. They say a month is a lifetime in politics so, yeah, it’s possible something could happen and millions of dollars being properly spent could open up a sudden Crowley path or Hong could start crying like Ed Muskie or… actually, there’s only 13 days left and a total breakdown on stage would probably help her.
It’s like that old Trump adage about sho*ting someone in the middle of 5th Avenue. Hong could sh*ot someone in the middle of East Gorham Street, and she’d gain votes. She’s somehow managed to harness folks’ anger and their never quenched thirst for something totally different and for change.
Personally, I’m not too worried about the Democrat base. They’re camped out at the CRAZ and demanding ICE and other supplies and failing to perceive the irony. I say we just ignore them. Eventually, they’ll get bored and go home to mom because they miss playing video games. I’m more worried about the state. Eric Toney called the CRAZ out by the way; Josh Kaul has stayed silent.
But how did it get to this point?
Sara Rodriguez and her campaign manager screwed the party over badly. Everyone’s ego is keeping them in. Evers is a lame duck. Barnes has nothing to lose. Powerful people are worried about their jobs if people they clashed with win so they picked a candidate who is weaker for job security. No one is strong enough to create the mandate to get the others to quit. Devin Remiker isn’t Ben Wikler. Ben Wikler is fiddling on a book tour while Rome burns. The BIPOC wing won’t allow the party to pick the white guy with the best resume. How the hell do I know.
Not my circus. Not my clowns.
Table of Contents
