You know, if Tony Evers wasn’t about to empty the state prisons of dangerous criminals with his new nefarious commutation scheme, I might have felt sorry for him Wednesday. But I can’t erase the fact that he wants to spring a bunch of homicide lifers from Waupun and, well, if he doesn’t, why did he give them a chance to apply. A whole cottage industry is springing up around the “get an Evers’ commutation!” scheme as we speak. So, yeah, he’s not a terribly sympathetic character at the moment. Plus, he created this whole “surplus deal” mess by deviously scratching out numbers and adding punctuation marks to create a 400-year property tax boondoggle. This is called being hoisted on one’s own petard.
But even with all that, one kind of felt sorry for the guy because he looked so “damn” dejected, like a lost puppy wandering around from interview to interview, or like someone stole his vanilla ice cream cone and ran off with it, leaving him standing alone in the rain. One almost wanted to pat his head, make him some hot tea with lemon, give him a prune kolache and say, “Don’t worry. There’s a bunch of commutations from cop killers on your desk. That will lift your spirits.”
I speculated yesterday that Evers would hit the hay early and let Maggie Gau wrangle the single Senate vote they needed until 4 a.m. over lattes with her consigliere Britt, but I was wrong. Evers valiantly emerged from the deep to face the cameras and AJ Bayatpour, which really took guts. It was early on Wednesday morning, and Evers was distinctly bleary eyed, his hair so randomly disheveled that it looked like he slept on Maggie’s office couch or Greta Neubauer gave him a noogie.
Evers Comes Out Swinging
Evers came out swinging, though, and that was weirdly entertaining. Evers declared himself baffled at the stupidity and dumbness of the Democrats. His words. That wasn’t on my 2026 Bingo card, honestly.
He declared that a comment by Democrat gubernatorial frontrunner Francesca “I want to abolish police” Hong was the “dumbest thing I ever heard.” Interesting he singled that out. I mean, her writing “defund the police defund the police defund the police” and other crazy stuff apparently didn’t count. But whatever it takes to get him there.
Evers even whipped out a chart, or really Maggie and Britt did, on X, listing all of the millions of dollars that school districts would lose without the deal he orchestrated behind Senate Democrats’ backs with crafty Republican Assembly leader Robin Vos and hapless Senate honcho Devin LeMahieu. I’d say something mean about Devin, but he looked like a depressed dude with a hangdog look when he finally emerged on the Senate floor later that night. So I kind of feel sorry for him too.
Hey, he tried. So did Vos and Evers. It can’t be easy to be kicked in the gut by some on your own side on your way out the door because you want to (gasp!) give taxpayers their own money back. What evildoers.
But Democrats weren’t moved by Evers’ (Britt’s) school chart. This prompted a weird back-and-forth between Britt, the governor’s loyal mouthpiece with Clark Kent glasses and a sharp tongue. She lost it on a Democrat senator on X. In fairness, he was irate that the legislative fiscal bureau explained that some of the “school revenue” would really go to property tax relief. The horrors! Not property tax relief! How dare they!
The senator in the brief Britt kerfuffle is Sen. Mark Spreitzer, and I had literally never heard of him before in my entire life even though I follow this stuff closely, so I looked him up. I was curious what kind of a whackadoodle would be horrified by more money going to property tax relief. It turned out that he was born and raised in Chicago, which says a lot, and then worked for Beloit College, which also says a lot (Google them and Turning Point, and you’ll understand.) Beyond that, he’s kind of boring.
And that’s when I realized, my God. This is getting weird.
Evers Reads to Kids
Evers wasn’t done yet. He was photographed reading books to kids in Oak Creek with a shocked look on his forlorn face. And I know it’s inappropriate, but I couldn’t help think of a shell-shocked George W. Bush reading to schoolkids about pet goats. Even worse, according to AJ, Evers was taking a civics quiz and the answer was “Senate.” Man, if that’s not a cruel twist of fate, I don’t know what is.
In fairness to Evers, I requested his calendar once and he does a lot of short trips on planes to towns all over the state, whereas, in contrast, Secretary of State Sarah Godlewski, who is running as a Democrat for lieutenant governor, has reams of blank space on her calendar and lots of meetings at Starbucks.
Somehow in the midst of all of this, Evers found time to go on Wisconsin Public Radio and proclaim, “If they think running against money for schools is a really cool idea, l’d say that’s a really stupid idea.”
If it’s not already clear, he was trashing Democrats (what?!), so this was manna from heaven for Republican Tom Tiffany, or should have been. He is about to head to his supper club-themed hospitality room at the state Republican convention, which is being held, fittingly, at the same Kalahari waterpark where Jill Underly’s DPI blew almost 400K on a secretive conclave to water down school testing standards. Oh wait, never mind. That was the Chula Vista. I just felt like reminding people that Jill Underly did that. Close enough.
I might show up at the supper club thing if they have some of his mom’s pickles. Can we just skip everyone else and make Tom Tiffany’s mom governor?
‘Dam Man’
Anyway Tiffany was in fine form, using puns about dams and being a dam man all morning on X. This is a clever play on Evers’ folksy “damns,” which worked for him, and it reminds voters of Tom’s authentic roots. He actually worked as a dam tender and, since I grew up in Ladysmith Up North, I should probably know what that is, but I don’t. I looked it up, and it turns out that dam tenders keep dams safe, so Tiffany is well-prepared to keep Wisconsin safe from a looming communist takeover. Or at least from DSA.
One envisioned Tom strolling into his faux supper club on cloud nine, shouting from the rooftops about being the affordability governor – you know, the guy who worked with the Republicans in Madison to get 80% of the $1.8 billion surplus sent back to YOU now, because it’s getting hard to afford almost $5 gas and eggs really don’t seem that much cheaper. But maybe they are. One envisions him, with a laugh, taking the stage in his Carhartt shirt, holding a jar of Virgal’s pickles aloft and reminding folks that those goofy Dems are the ones melting down over letting taxpayers keep all of their tips and overtime and don’t want to keep big government’s snout out of it.
But alas it was not to be.
Instead, Tiffany’s guys spent the day calling frantically around legislative offices trying to flip Republicans into voting against giving folks all of their tips and overtime money. He’d already blasted the plan on the radio and X. I might advocate that Tiffany stay off talk radio a bit. The questions and audience position him for a GOP base message when he’s already got the primary locked down (Andy Manske doesn’t count), and should be pivoting for a general. We’re a purple state. And I say this as someone who adores the talk radio guys and Vicki. I mean, they fight for us.
What’s the point of not having a primary if you keep running a primary message?
Weird Alliances
AJ noted how weird the alliances were shaping up. Evers-Vos-LeMahieu-Most Republicans vs. Tiffany-Hong-Most Democrats-and 3 Super Obstinate Republicans plus Lindee Brill. Glad I wasn’t the only one thinking, well this is strange. Scott Bauer, the “not unbiased” (chortle) AP reporter whose influence has waned (thank God) due to Gannett’s ruthless cuts, even said Evers was in a “public spat” with a Democrat. Wow.
Meanwhile, Democrats were making strange statements on X. Hong, who painted herself as a champion of regular restaurant workers (I mean she once sold Ramen noodles), was now adamantly against letting those workers keep all their tips. I learned the Ramen thing in an article about her having a tragic psychiatric breakdown (is that off limits? I mean she spoke about it extensively in a magazine). I’m glad she made it through all that and made something of herself. I just don’t think she’d make a good governor because I don’t want every small business destroyed or to see prisons abolished. Meanwhile, Mandela Barnes is sitting in wings, playing it more cautiously on this.
Democrats didn’t really know how to message this deal, and their attempts were so torturous that it made one wonder what the hell was really going on. One plausible theory floating around is that they truly believe they will win the trifecta (governor-Assembly-Senate), so why spend the surplus sensibly now when they can blow it on a bunch of crazy sh*t later? And if you think that’s hyperbole, you don’t know Ryan Clancy.
Other things involved them being peeved that Evers cut them out of the negotiations. Seems petty to screw over every overtime earner in the state because Evers didn’t talk to you.
Maybe They’ve Gone Nuts?
Another theory is that they’ve all gone nuts. They’re basically all Rashida Tlaib in a cheesehead and they’ve gone so far to the left that they’re almost making Tony Evers look moderate. Note I said “almost.”
Maybe it’s a combination. I’m not buying the sudden reincarnation of Chris Larson from lunatic to sensible deficit hawk. I mean, c’mon.
Meanwhile, David Crowley was blathering about data centers, hoping desperately to dodge the sh*tstorm, and this wasn’t a bad strategy.
Liberal blogger Dan Schafer pontificated that Vos was a huge winner, which was somewhat true, but also not on my 2026 bingo card (Schafer praising Vos) although, privately, Democrats concede he’s a strategic genius. Republicans don’t get Vos. They think he’s some Svengali controlling every political campaign plus the state party and everyone’s minds (better get out the faraday bags) when, really, Robin Vos cares about one thing and one thing alone. Keeping control of the Assembly. Like it’s his life’s work. His masterpiece.
It’s like someone took the Mona Lisa and tried to paint over it. What would DaVinci do? Somewhere a crazy person is poised to type, “That Jessica is such a RINO she compared Robin Vos to Leonardo DaVinci!! Vos arrrrrrghhhh blah blah blah grrrrr!” Because it really is an illness.
Vos wanted this deal because he thought it helped keep control of the Assembly (which will come down to 6 seats) but, again, it’s what he cares about. Vos cares about the Assembly like Bobby Fischer focuses on chess.
If Tom Tiffany was going to run a freedom caucus message, so be it. Vos thinks he can keep the Assembly, but that is going to be as challenging as fielding questions from Mark Belling when he’s angry. (God, I miss Mark being on the air. Love DOD too. But Mark was the GOAT. Charlie Sykes could have been until he sold his soul for a few appearances on MSNBC. Well, not literally. It’s a joke.)
But I digress.
Blame it on DC
So let’s get to Tiffany. Who the heck told him it was a good idea to oppose a deal that would get people’s tax dollars out of Madison and back to them? The election will turn on affordability.
Until now he has run a picture perfect campaign! I envisioned pathways where he defeated at least Hong or Barnes, and ran through fields of daisies toward us with $2,000 tax rebate checks or something. Minimally, he won’t let killers out of prison.
I was so confused by his messaging on this one that I mowed my lawn and ran over a bunch of dandelions so I could think.
Multiple people in the know then called me to vent because everyone was frustrated and baffled (except Steve Nass and a bunch of guys on Facebook who screeched about spending), and they told me that Tiffany has a campaign team that, at least partly, is being run out of DC. And then it all made sense in a nonsensical way.
He’s a Freedom Caucus, anti-spending, anti-deficit, frugal guy who is used to running in a +27R Trumpy district up north. Give him a point for authenticity. That’s who he really is. And those are not bad things. They’re good things, obviously. I mean who wants deficits? But this was a freedom caucus message in a purple state.
If the entire state was the 7th CD, that would be awesome, but it also includes Wauwatosa, Whitefish Bay, and Brookfield.
Tiffany and Hong (suddenly bizarrely aligned) both opposed the bill by arguing that they would go farther if Governor, in wildly different directions (she wants to drive businesses out of the state and he wants to give you the entire surplus not just 80%, for starters.)
The problem is, voters don’t want abstract promises and purity tests that might not materialize (either of the above, if they win, could have a divided legislature, for starters.) By the way, if Hong wins, I’m moving to Canada or Ireland, and, unlike the left, I’m really doing it. Actually, I’m moving to Florida so Ron DeSantis is my governor and not a socialist in a stocking cap. On second thought, I could stay and get endless fodder. But, yeah, stipulating that would be a nightmare.
Anyway, voters want relief NOW. Someone should put the DC guys on a plane and make them knock doors in Wisconsin for an afternoon, so they get blasted to smithereens by Republicans and Trump voters like door knockers are experiencing all over the state right now because voters are super pissed. Read the room. They’re angry about gas (which will come down) and Iran and the price of groceries and the fact tornados took down their trees. These are Trump adjacent voters in some cases who voted for him because they thought Kamala was a nut and Trump would lower the price of eggs. Now they’re being hit in every direction with utility prices (reminder: Evers appoints the PSC) and insurance costs and rent increases and it goes on and on. They’re suffering. And they could use any money government can return into their pockets NOW and, you know, it’s their money.
Opposing giving them $600 tax refund checks of their OWN money because maybe you can give them more later if you win doesn’t seem like a great message. Opposing giving schools more special education funding they’re clamoring for doesn’t seem smart either. When even conservative school boards were calling legislators upset because the formulas don’t work with autism skyrocketing, Houston we have a problem. And that doesn’t even get to overtime and tips. Sure maybe schools should consolidate and maybe we should investigate those high autism numbers but that’s not going to happen before November.
The other issue with Tiffany going against almost every Republican legislator in the state and trying to make them look like big spending RINOs (he didn’t say that, but it was the implication), is that he needs them to knock doors and be excited about his candidacy. And some of them need to win very tough races so on no planet was this helpful. Plus, there was no extensive outreach to all conservative media to explain any of this.
Nightfall Beckons
By nightfall, the Republican-controlled Assembly passed the deal at long last and a sliver of Dems wizened up and joined them, but not Hong or Robyn Vining, who is running for senate in Southeastern Wisconsin as a fake moderate when she isn’t jumping around frenetically on street corners in Sarah Godlewski’s latest very weird video. The Republicans even considered amendments for disabled veterans and disaster relief, to sweeten the pot. But the legislative opponents were so desperate to let government keep people’s tips that even disabled vets weren’t enough to pull them over. My God!
Then the deal hit the floor of the Senate and the Democrats looked like they were playing twister while drunk, trying to justify why they were voting against funding schools when that’s literally been their entire platform for like decades. A Democrat senator, Tim Carpenter, even pathetically begged voters, “Don’t blame us,” which is actually on video, before screwing them over by voting no. He proclaimed that the deal was bad because people who pay taxes would get a tax refund, but people who don’t pay taxes wouldn’t.
Democrat Logic 101.
In the end, the plan was torpedoed as fast as the Lusitania (that took 18 minutes to sink) by all Democrats, and Republicans Steve Nass, Chris Kapenga, and Rob Hutton. Nass and Kapenga like to vote no on everything, and they live in talk radio country so they get away with it.
In fairness, they’re upset that a one-time surplus is being used for special education funding and overtime/tips tax relief that would be ongoing. They have a point, but you’re not going to get anything if Tiffany doesn’t win, and voters want those things or, at least it sounds terrible to try to take them away at this point in time. Now that it’s on the table and all.
The no votes ensured the cash sits there in Madison.
Maybe Kapenga can just go live in Florida for good if Wisconsin becomes Seattle’s Chaz in a couple months, so what does he care, but most people will be stuck here. So thanks a lot for the purity demonstration, Kap. That $300 would have paid my utility bill. I don’t get overtime, but I know people who do. “Just give me my money,” wrote one frustrated conservative on my wall, which kinds of sums up the public reaction and the political danger here.
As for Rob Hutton, a jury just awarded him $3.4 billion for a faulty dehumidifier fire and he’s quitting, so $300 probably sounds insignificant to him, even if he doesn’t end up getting all that cash.
Try telling a regular worker or hard-working cop why you want government to take all their tips or overtime. Good luck with that.
You know what’s frustrating? I like Tom Tiffany. He’s a fundamentally decent man who would make a great governor. And I like Kap, Hutton and Nass.
Frustration Everywhere
And it’s immensely frustrating as a pundit to be forced to choose between Tom Tiffany and Bob Donovan and the other Republican men and women of the Assembly. Or Tom Tiffany and waitresses who want to keep their tips. I want to praise all of them. But no… Tiffany chose to go against almost every Republican legislator, so now we get to pick.
So I went with what makes sense for voters.
All one can do now is move forward but no, Democrats had to rub salt in Evers’ gaping wounds, circling him like frenzied piranhas. Ryan “I do have a D after my name on my legislative website” Clancy declared, “Good riddance, Tony.” This made me wonder what Gau will plot to get back at the Tony insulters (I have one crazy idea I will keep to myself.) It also made me vaguely feel sorry for Evers again because, whatever you think about the guy’s politics, he doesn’t deserve to be eaten alive by the vultures on his own side.
I guess all one can do now is remind voters how much better their lives would be with a Tom Tiffany governor. Because that’s true in a myriad of ways. So I guess we will all have to move on and focus on that, but he just made his own job harder in a bad cycle with little margin for error.
Remember: Who wins matters. The Democrats will blow the surplus wildly, if they can, and he will give it back to you.
At least Evers can finally get a good night’s sleep, though. He’s probably not sleeping though. He’s probably twisting and turning and stewing. Who can blame him?
The end.
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