So guys, here’s a few things my father taught me that apparently a lot of younger guys didn’t have the opportunity to learn. Yes, fathers used to teach this stuff, but some of you obviously missed out. (Don’t take offense.) But, I’m here to help.
Clip the Thread – At the Kentucky Derby I noticed a lot of guys with their seersucker suits still had the little threads that hold the back flap tied together. That thread is for shipping only, and the store was supposed to cut it off, but didn’t. Likewise, clip the threads that hold the pockets closed.
Tie Clips – Tie clips are for engineers, from the 1970’s, and only go along with a pocket protector filled with pencils and pens. (Remember pencils?)
Lower Button – Never button the lowest button on a suit or sport coat. I see this mistake a lot in movies, because they don’t know that the lowest button is just for show.
Full Windsor or Half – When tying your tie into a knot, that big full Windsor knot is for liberals, whereas the smaller, more tasteful half Windsor is for conservatives. Bow ties are only for liberal professors or special “black tie” occasions.
Gum Chewing – Gum chewing is for home, alone, not in business meetings, not on zoom calls.
It’s not pretty; it’s distracting. I don’t want to see a chewed piece of gum in the corner of your mouth.
Sweatshirts are for Friday Nights at Home – My dad always dressed up, even for casual stuff. He always looked better dressed than most others in any situation. I don’t go to that extreme, but I also don’t wear a hoodie on a Zoom call. Just because it’s a Zoom call doesn’t mean you can look like a slob. I remember insisting to one woman on a Zoom call with me that she turn on her video (what’s the point of Zoom if you don’t turn on the video?), only to realize she was totally unprepared for the call – dressed shabbily, hair uncombed. That showed disrespect for her client, me, and didn’t endear her to her client either. She only lasted a few months.
Silverware – Work your way in from the outside. So when eating at a formal restaurant with multiple silverware, start with the outside first, the outermost fork for example, for the first course. Then use the next fork for the next course. The fork at the top of the plate is for dessert.
Bond Values – Bond values decline as interest rates rise. Inversely, bond values rise as interest rates decline. (Apparently not even the bankers at Silicon Valley Bank knew this!)
Gun Safety – If you own a gun, keep it in a locked safe. Don’t do what a former Madison police chief did; he put his gun in the oven, and when his wife preheated the oven, the gun shot off a round. If you have kids and you buy them a gun for hunting, teach them gun safety, have them take a course, and store their gun in a safe where they can’t get at it.
Teach your teen children never to point a gun at someone, even when it’s unloaded; unlike Alec Baldwin. Make sure it’s unloaded before cleaning it.
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